Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Where Oh Where Has Abba Gone?

I'll admit it. I'm a drama queen. And in more than one overheated argument I've told Abba he should take a hike. Irresponsibly. Insincerely. But still. As I start to calm down I've wondered, what if he ever did leave us? Could I handle parenthood without him?

This week, he left. Not out of anger or marital discord, thank God, just for a six day conference, Sunday to Friday. It was really hard for him to go--he was so scared that our son would forget him, or be angry, or worse, feel abandoned and betrayed. After "being there" day after day, he was also really concerned that he'd miss our son's first steps, or his first real word. It took a lot of reassurance to convince him that the week would pass uneventfully.

The verdict? I need him. Man do I need him. Even though I have sitters watching our son during the hours that Abba usually watches him I'm exhausted at the end of the day. I simply cannot believe it's only Tuesday.

Here's the kicker--even though I'm exhausted, I can't fall alsleep. Something about Abba's presence in our home relaxes me, allows the day to fall away and sleep to come. Without him my brain just keeps going and going.

These are the things that you don't appreciate. That the lazy hour at the end of the night spent watching television and going over the events of the day might actually be quality time. That Abba makes a priceless contribution to the household.

And that without Abba, Ima is just not Ima.

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