Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Yartzheit, Birthday and Mother's Day

Tonight is my mother's second yartzheit and my son's third birthday on the Hebrew calendar. She only new him for one way too short year. In that year she loved him so much and our relationship transformed. Nothing in life helped me understand my mother the way becoming a mother did. Yet our time after that awakening was so pitifully short.

I'm far from a poet and have little experience with it. I'm not even sure if what I wrote below technically qualifies as a poem. But, on this day that marks two of the most life changing events in my life, I felt the need to share a little.

Now
Now when her namesake cries as we try to teach him to go to sleep on his own, I can not call his grandmother to commiserate over how hard it is to hear him cry.

Now when my toddler says something funny and I can't wait to share it there is no one to call who cares as much as she would have.

Now when a new and baffling part of being a mother arises I can't call my mommy to discuss and get advice.

Now the weekend comes and no one calls me to share every detail of her busy plans.

Now when the weekend ends no one calls me to let me know about "the best ever (show, restaurant, book, movie, etc)" I just can't miss.

Now I go to the library and guess at what book to read because no one calls me to tell me about the great book they will loan me next time we see each other.

Now no one glows with joy and pride when they look at my children the way she did.

Now no one stops strangers on the street to tell about my child's, my husband's or my wonderful achievement.

Now there is no one in the world who loves me the way I love my children.

2 comments:

Gluckel of Manhattan said...

mamalady, thanks for this post. too often i find myself whining about how annoying my mother is, but I have her. i couldn't imagine doing it without her, in spite of it all. may your mothers' memory be a blessing, and may you teach your entire family to bring those memories to life...

Maya said...

You must be a very strong woman to have experienced all that in such a short amount of time. Kol Ha Kovod.