Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Ode To My Maternity Jeans

Your slimming flare,
Your shaded knees,
With 95% spandex,
I can slide in with ease.

To find your perfection,
Decisions I had to make.
From wash to fit to cost-
You’re jeans for goodness sake!

Then there’s the panel,
The strip of sacred drape.
Full, demi or… magic?
Do I need a hat and cape?

And my petite length,
Such a challenge to find.
But you were worth the effort
Just look at my behind!

Maternity clothes are a joke
All flowers and random bows
Does fashion not matter
If you can’t see your toes?

Shirts that billow, dresses that tent,
From the side I could be a globe.
Yet you are what is normal
In my weeble’s wardrobe.

I dress my little daughter
Jealous of her tiny rear.
I long for the array,
Of what I used to wear.

It is a stressful time,
When everything is tight.
My socks, my rings, my lungs,
Yet you fit me just right.

I feel no glow upon my face,
Feeling pretty is just a bash,
With my body out of control
And quite the mysterious rash.

So I love you jeans,
In you I feel sexy and fit.
Feelings hard to come by
When hormones make me feel like…spit.


pretzel said...

I love this poem!
So well written...
and I'm soooo not looking forward to this aspect of pregnancy..

amichimac said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
amichimac said...

New comment, actually same comment without the awful spelling mistakes:

I LOVE it!! I think that Shakesphere has just been reincarnated as a sexy pregnany lady with awesome jeans.

Anonymous said...

This was very funny - it almost makes me want to rip out my IUD and have another baby just for the jeans!

Anonymous said...

You are such a great writer. You need to be discovered already.


Anonymous said...

LMAO - this is absolutely priceless.

Thank you for the very refreshing perspective!