Tuesday, November 13, 2007

No Marriages Were Harmed in the Making of This Birthday

This past Sunday Abba and I hosted our son's first birthday party. There were 40 adults and 10 children. 100 bagels were purchased from a far-off suburb and 150 cookies were baked in the late hours of the night. Favors were bought and assembled. And much, much, MUCH more.

By me alone.

Don't get me wrong--Abba was totally willing to help. But deep down I knew that every time we planned and anticipated something together--our wedding, the imminent birth of our son--I made a list, checked off my items as soon as possible, and then hovered hovered hovered and panicked panicked panicked until Abba got around to doing his tasks.

Needless to say, this was never ever fun for me, and I can't imagine it made me particularly adorable, either. And it was definitely not good for our relationship.

This time, without even thinking about it, I just did it all myself. I made lists and ticked ticked ticked. I asked Abba questions and got his opinions but ultimately I was the one who made it all happen.

Boy was it stressful. Then again, program planning is always stressful for me--in an adrelin pumping, stomach knotting kind of a way. But I like the process on some level, and I love the result--bringing an event from concept to fruition.

But what about Abba?

As it turns out, working separately but together we achieved the perfect partnership. The night before and the day of the party Abba kicked into gear, helping to shop and shlep and set up and serve. Because of him I was able to stop working and actually enjoy the party. And when it was all over I collapsed into a chair and let him clean up, guilt free.

Maybe it would be better if I could focus on self-improvement--i.e. get over myself and stop trying to control every detail. But self-knowledge--accepting who I am and flowing with it instead of against it--is a huge stride for this Ima.


mother in israel said...

Mazal tov!

Maya said...

Smart approach! And such a FUN time!

Joyous Jewess said...

Mazel tov! We had our birthday party on Sunday, too, and I also took on all the planning alone (as is our pattern, as well, what with me being a control freak and my husband being a procrastinator). I got kind of pissed Saturday night when, after I had baked 50 cupcakes, my husband insinuated that maybe we should have some other dessert options... but it all went smoothly in the end -- though I wasn't able to fully relax and enjoy the party. I think it will take some practice for me!