When my husband and I got married we registered for 6 pages worth of stuff. Hundreds of household items, everything you could think of from crystal to striped roll pillows to a grilled cheese maker. But we did not register for sheets. No siree Bob.
We had an orthodox wedding and we shockingly had purchased a queen sized bed. Oh the drama. We didn’t register for our scandalous queen sheets so we wouldn’t shame my family. Some Jews are so judgmental (you know who you are) and since we weren’t so into the whole “we can only be pure if we do the whole Donna Reed beds pushed together thing” we just left that off our list.
But one cat, one dog, one daughter and one son later man oh man do I wish we frum’ed out and got the big bed...or rather two small beds pushed together to form one large bed.
We used to be so strict about the bed. It was our sanctuary. Our romantic hideaway. We had candles around and high thread count sheets. And the girl was never allowed in our special love nest. Even when she was a baby we would fight through the sleepiness and rock her to sleep in her room. It’s not like we didn’t share, we just had rules- she loved snuggling with us in the bed after the sun came up, would enjoy hearing stories on my pillow before bed time and don’t even get me started on the crazy games of tent she would play under said high quality sheets. But the nighttime was not the right time for her.
I am not sure what changed. Well I know what changed. First we decided to get the dog on anti-anxiety medication, so now rather than sleeping UNDER the bed she sleeps ON TOP of it. Which is fine and healthier for her self esteem and all but man, 60lbs of dog laying upon your toes sort of cuts off circulation around 3am or so. And then of course the cat got threatened by that, so he moved from the end of the bed to right on my pillow. And while I do find purring in my ear sexy, it is done most effectively without Meow Mix breath.
Then of course there is the whole added life form. He certainly drained our energy levels. Thanks to him, we simply do not have the physical or emotional strength to get up and give our Queen snuggles in her bed if she awakes from a bad dream, so she plops on in with us. And if the boy sleeps until 8am and she wakes up at 5:30am then we sure as heck aren’t going to do something silly like play with her and chance waking him, so into the playroom-formerly-known-as-sanctuary she goes.
The same thing goes with the new man in town. We really try to keep him in his crib, but the other night he woke up with a cold and after a few attempts to settle him in his bed we just brought him in with us. And then of course all his crying woke up the lady in our lives so she joined us (which was what the bringing him in our bed was supposed to avoid). Thankfully the dog was there because I was able to prop my one foot that no longer fit in the bed on top her snout to maintain some sense of balance.
So here is what hasn’t changed, my husband and me. We are still annoyingly lovey dovey. We spoon so hard that his arm tends to cramp when we somehow manage to get more than 6 hours of sleep straight in a single night. And while nowadays leaving candles about can be a bit of a fire hazard, we did get a mini fridge for our room that holds not only the morning’s bottle but the evening’s bottle of wine as well.
So maybe even if we don’t think there is ever a time of any month of any year where a husband shouldn’t be allowed to spoon his wife (forking is a different matter) or give her a hug or I don’t know, accept water from a cup she has poured into (gotta love the Yeshiva) maybe we should just do the twin push. That way we can give the kids one of the beds and we can have our bed-and sleep in it too.
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