Where are we???

I have noticed that two of us have gone back to full time work outside the home lately (me and ImaShalom). Ugh. It's not that (OK, I'm speaking for you here...) we don't love our work AND it's not that we don't love our children...but this is very difficult. Intellectually stimulating. Emotionally draining. Time consuming. Plus it amounts to a decidedly fewer number of posts.

I had a phone conversation the other day with a colleagueish type of person. She used to run a fabulously successful tutoring company and now does coaching. I've never met her, but she's an old friend of my husband's. She was at home, with her two kids running around in the background, telling me about how she adores herwork and how stimulating it is, how it's opened new horizons for her and for her clients, etc. She has an office but a flexible schedule, works FT, and I'm sure makes a very decent salary (not working for the Jews, of course). I am seething with envy.

Needless to say, I was imagining the layout of a magazine article that combines an article about a mom who can do it all while effortlessly looking hip and polished (and CLEAN) and design friendly housewares/decor for kids (again, house is CLEAN). I was fantasizing. But she sounded for sure like she had it all. And I was totally jealous.

I have my dream job. It's hard to say that out loud. But that dream job comes with pretty rigid work hours, surprisingly limited vacation, and an equally surprising intolerance for children in the workplace. It comes with an FMLA only maternity leave policy (should I be lucky enough to have a 2nd child, I'd like to spend more than 6 weeks at home. Who ever dreamed of wanting to have a c-section so that you could stay home a few extra weeks?) and a culture of Blackberries. I worry endlessly about what that is doing to my child. I see things shifting to my husband that I wish were still mine and know that come September I am going to have to work hard to carve out sacred parent-child space so that we can still know each other the way we used to.

So in case you wonder where the posts went, well, I'm at work. And I am afraid that someone is watching me post, so I won't. Oh, and if I do post, then I don't have time to eat lunch, go to the bathroom, check my personal email, make an appointment for the pediatric dentist, etc. Plus I just cooked dinner tonight at 11pm for a meal that I'm likely not going to make it to, when my husband and son have some friends over at 430, and there's no way I'll be home till 615, but I did do the cooking anyway.

See you all soon, I hope!