Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Muddled Mommying

Today Chamudi took a dive off our bed while I was checking my work email on our home computer. Ack. He was fine, no harm done, thank God. But it was yet another example of sloppy parenting in a week that's been riddled with it.

Let's take last Wednesday for example. Chamudi decided he didn't want to sit in the bath, so I said okay, you can take a shower. And turned the shower on him. Needless to say, chaos ensued. And now bathtime is super-extra-fun...and he may never sit down in the bathtub again.

Even as I was comforting him I wasn't quite reacting the right way...the whole thing was so absurd--what kind of parent does that?--that I was almost laughing.

This past Friday I took him to the pool. He cried from the first minute but I kept him in for over 20 minutes nonetheless. Eventually he stopped crying, which felt like a victory at the time, but as the hours passed I began to wonder--what had I sacrificed in the process?

There are so many ways in which going to work is making me a better mother. The hours that I am home I am a much more affectionate and enthusiastic parent and playmate.

But I'm also just so very slightly off my game, which is being demonstrated nearly daily in dramatic and guilt-inducing incidents that compel me to confess to anyone who will listen.

I'm hoping that this is just temporary. I don't think either of us can take another week of my muddled mommying.

3 comments:

mother in israel said...

Hi Ima,
Just remember that parenting is all about adjustment. You can't know the right reaction every time, because kids are changing and developing. And it is true that you miss something by being at work, because the changes, which are happening daily, are less subtle (I hope that makes sense, I'm in a rush). But if you are sure that working out of the house is hte best choice for you now, you'll figure out the rest. TOddlerhood is challenging.

Maya said...

Hey, don't worry--we can't all be perfect all the time. Baby will remember you love him, not that you put him in the shower!

Gluckel of Manhattan said...

Imashalom, I am right there with you. The return to full time work has certainly messed with my family, and off my game doesn't seem to even begin to describe it. I feel beyond guilty and it makes me cry when my baby calls me his babysitter's name. But no matter what, he is yours and you are his. No amount of imperfections, laughter or absence eliminates that. And time, however precious, only makes it better.