One of the blessings and curses of being a mom who works outside the home is that I seem to have very little time to reflect on the experience.
I work hard, come home, play with Chamudi, fix dinner, do bedtime, spend the evening busy with a variety of household chores and other work, collapse into bed, watch a bit of television and go to sleep. 6 1/2 hours later I wake up and start all over again.
There's really no time for mommy-guilt, which is good. But there's also no time to think about the best way to do things. Is the new nanny the best choice for him? Is Abba getting enough work done working from home? Is Chamudi eating right?
On my best day, I'm happy enough that I was just able to do it...get my job done well, make my son feel loved, keep our household on the happy side of chaos. Etcetera.
Meanwhile I must admit I am lucky...so far Chamudi seems to be enjoying the parade of caregivers coming to play with him. And when I come home at the end of the day he runs to me, laughs with glee, wonderful expressions of love that I never got when I was just always...there. And I like my job, or what I know of it so far.
But what I really miss are the opportunities to just stare into space...to retreat into my own mind and let the world wash over me.
I'm going to need to pencil that in.