Wanna Play Doctor?

When we moved here a year ago I had to pick all new doctors. So when I was picking a gynecologist, I asked one friend to tell me who she used. Here you go random doctor lady, take a look at my vagina. When I was picking a dentist, I checked my insurance plan and picked the dentist on the list who was the closest to my house. Here you go random man in a face mask, please feel free to stick needles directly into my gums.

When I picked a pediatrician, well that was different and special. I asked a lot of friends who they use. Tons. I asked for references and feedback. I set up appointments to actually interview the various doctors. To be honest I had no idea what to ask. Schooling? Are you cool with kids watching Nemo a few times in a row on special occasions? Will you make me feel like a bad mother if I bring my child in with pencils shoved up her nose?

I made up a bunch of questions to make me look smart. I sat and tried to get the “this person is mostly with it” vibe. And I picked someone. Lovely woman. Sweet with kind eyes. She is cool with television and I don’t think she’d ever make me feel like a bad mother (unless it was wine bottles shoved up the nose). And since we started going to her I only have had nice things to say.

But I am getting a new pediatrician.

She did nothing wrong. Her office staff is fantastic. I can get past the crazy office hours. And I can get past the no windows in the office thing. A little trouble getting past her mustache (how can you get through medical school but not pass Waxing 101?). But what I can’t get past, what I can’t stop obsessing over, what is making me go through the whole arduous process again is the one question I didn’t ask. And when I finally did ask it, it was too late.


I didn’t ask her if she had her own children.

It seems silly. I don’t care that a man delivered my daughter. I figure he’s seen enough chinas to know what’s up. I don’t care if my dentist never had a cavity. He has seen enough people in pain to know that he better be careful with that needle. But you can’t truly learn what it’s like to have a child until you actually have one.

Granted, everyone’s experience is different and I’m sure she has seen hundreds of mommies and answered thousands of questions. But this is different. You don’t know what it’s like those first few months, when you are so tired and so questioning everything you do. You can’t understand unless you have seen a life you have created and nurtured come home from school with a 103 degree fever. It is a change in your life and in your being that no schooling can prepare you for. No exam. No nothing.

So I’m going to go a little nuts. I have a whole new baby on the way and I can’t take somebody seriously unless I know they at least marginally know where my brain is. I have a lot of phone calls to make, and a lot of questions to ask. I’ll get started tomorrow… right after my appointment with the podiatrist I picked out of the Yellow Pages.