Oh Dear Lord, What Have I Done?

I like easy. I never take the hard way out. I don’t have laces on my shoes. I highly enjoy paper plates. I make my hairdresser keep my hair just long enough to tie up in a ponytail. I like pie, but mostly because “easy as” goes before it. I wanted to be called Mahotma Easy Mama, but feared people might get the wrong impression.

I like easy, but having a child is hard. Hard. Hard. Hard. Mind blowingly fun and wonderful and exciting, but you are responsible for a WHOLE LIVING THING. That is not easy. Nope. And while it’s not the same hard as building a tower or doing brain surgery, it is a weight you feel every time your child does something you have told them no to a million times, or gets hurt, or does something so wonderful that you just want to pick them up and eat them because they are the most delicious thing ever.

Hard.

That is one child.

One must assume that two children would be measurably more challenging.

So I really have no idea what I was thinking when I decided to reproduce again.

When we found out we were pregnant with our daughter it was great. I peed on so many sticks I could have made a cabin out of them. We stared at so many white magical circles that we began showing symptoms of snow blindness. Never has there been so much interest in my pee. But man, when the pink line appeared in that second circle it was the best. The best best best feeling ever.

This time we smartened up and got the digital “Pregnant” vs “Not Pregnant” sticks. Very very clever. Didn’t have to invest in snow goggles or even use my brain. And when it blinked “Pregnant” it was also the best. The best best best feeling ever.
Then it was two seconds later.
Then reality slapped me upside the head.
We knew what we were doing. We were TRYING and HOPING and PRAYING for this.
But woo doggy. I know it is a blessing but I also know EXACTLY what I am getting myself into. How hard it will be. So when I found myself short of breath and ever so slightly panicked it wasn’t surprising.

We got pregnant with our daughter for US. All us. Selfish selfish wanting to make our family grow. Wanting to share our love. Wanted to hold something teeny and tiny and cute. Sort of wanting an excuse to buy an entirely new pregnant lady wardrobe, but it was all us.

I got pregnant with my future piece of perfection for HER. Sure it was our decision. Sure we wanted to expand our family. But just like so much of what I do now, I am ultimately giving my child what I think is best for her, which in turn is best for all of us.

If you don’t think being a parent is fantastic and amazing then you are probably not in the right mindset. If you don’t think being a parent is hard, then you are doing something WRONG.

Sure hard is just a frame of mind. I could bend down and tie my shoes, but my slip ons have the same effect. I could use real plates, but paper holds my pie just as well. I could have just one child-the one I already have is pure perfection. And I know two is going to be put an IV of liquor into me for the next 18 years challenging, but I am so sure that two is going to be so great that I can’t even fairly compare them.

Double my pleasure, double my fun? Yup, but hella hard. Thankfully pregnancy is one of the things that is on my easy list. So for now I will live it up- I have 24 more weeks of easy and all the pie I can eat.