Oh Snap!

Dear Baby Clothes Designers,

First and foremost thanks for making all the cute clothes. Seriously, you guys must have a lot of creative minds working there. Bear feet? Genius. Matching puppy hats to puppy shoes? Wow. And who knew dump trucks would make such appealing infant gear themes?

And also, really really appreciate the safety features you have installed in all your clothing. No toxic chemicals? Thanks! Flame retardant? That could come in handy one day.

My biggest issue with your products is not so much the look or the quality, it’s the application method.

You might not realize this because you spend your days thinking of fun and innovative ways to incorporate zebras into sleepwear, but Mommies are busy busy people. All Mommies want are ways to save time. Microwave bottle sterilization? Good. Hands free pumping mechanisms? Great! Soup On The Go? The perfect lunch. Taking 45 minutes just to get your son’s sleeper attached at the crotch? Not cool, dudes.

Also, parents are tired. Nodding off in the middle of your third cup of coffee, tired. Wishing your last name was Van Winkle, sleepy. Accidentally falling asleep while cleaning up toys on the floor because you are too close to horizontal, exhausted. We wake up at weird times of the night and want to get back into sleep mode as quickly as possible. This means that at 2am when you realize you need to change your child’s sleeper because he drenched it as he drooled milk down his chin for 10 minutes straight, (which you failed to realize because you fell asleep the instant the nipple was inserted in his mouth) you don’t want to spend half an hour snapping and unsnapping things attempting to get them lined up.

The snap thing is just not working for me. Half the time he ends up looking less like he’s in jammies and more like he’s in a fuzzy snowflake covered flannel loincloth.

Have you considered color-coding the snaps? Or perhaps simplifying things by creating three large snaps down in the bottom area-one for each leg and a separate specialty crotch snap?

And what about zippers? They glide up and down with such grace and ease. I get why zippers are not always the way to go, but would you consider just producing more of those?

And what about Velcro?

I really do appreciate all you do to help me clothe my child. It really helps all that mommying when your child is dressed head to toe in coordinating polka dots. And if I didn’t have you he would be wearing hand-sewn garments of shame that surely wouldn’t have bear feet. But there has to be a better, less mind numbing, annoying, make me want to rip my hair out just to focus harder, wishing I had a graduate degree in Clothing Afixment solution.

Thank you for your attention,
Mahotma Mama