Monday, May 04, 2009


Well, here I am again. Thanks to all for your warm replies and agreement that we're not alone as mothers in this mess called life.

I noticed that sleep, or lack thereof, hit somewhat of a chord. I would continue this sentence, but I'm falling asleep. No, just kidding. No, just kidding, I am falling asleep, but I can continue to type!

I get between 5-6 hours of sleep on most nights. It just isn't enough. I have a 4 year old who goes to bed about 8:30-9ish and wakes up at about 7:30-8. And I know that you are saying what I should be saying....that is definitely enough to get your 7+ hours of sleep a night. Add to that the fact that I know I'm increasingly paranoid about life in general and many things specifically when I get too few hours of sleep, and that I'm mean and grouchy and jumped up on caffeine, and that I don't eat properly and well, the cycle keeps going.

So what is stopping us??

What's stopping me is that I LIKE ME TIME. No child, no husband, no dishes, no cooking for tomorrow, no sorting/folding laundry, no paying bills or calling friends or making playdates or writing thank you notes or checking email or finishing up the work I was supposed to do at the office. I like to be alone. And the only time I can do it is after everyone goes to bed and the day is done. I want to sit with a cup of tea and read the New Yorker or just fool around on Facebook or watch stupid TV. I want to be alone in the quiet. And that generally has to be done after 11pm. Or even after midnight. And I'm a nightowl, for sure. I get my best work done between midnight and 2am!

What is keeping you awake?


Miriam said...

I am a night owl, too, and it was ruining my relationship with my girls because I was tired and cranky and short and they fed off of that.

I spent a few nights going to bed really early and catching up on my sleep and then I started waking up at 5:00 am. It was hard at first, but soon it was habit and I get the same quiet alone time with the bonus of uninterrupted prayer. When dh leaves for shacharit I pray. So I get 1 hour of me time and 1/2 hour of prayer time before kids start waking.

So much nicer!

Maya said...

I'm struggling with this, too. A colleague, academic mother of two, gave me the same advice that Miriam is giving. My baby wakes up at 6 am no matter what time she goes to bed, so I'd have to get up at least by 5. I'm not ready to take the plunge yet, but it seems, looking at it dispassionately, like a good thing to try.

The Queen of Laundry said...

I'm not sure if it's my total identification with what you wrote (or... my lack of sleep), but reading this post simply brought tears to my eyes.
Or maybe it's the absurd: we look for Mr. Perfect to share our life with, we pray for children, we do our best to excel in our job etc., and once G-d grants us with all we hoped for, instead of being thankful, all we want by the end of the day is... to be alone! It just doesn't make sense!
Making an effort to catch up with sleep actually works (unfortunately... I hate the idea of giving up those wonderful, quiet, promising night hours!) but also going away for a couple of days, on your own or with a close friend or two. It needs some planning but it's doable and it could give you that quiet and time alone that will recharge you with energy to go on, happily, for quite a while.

Joyous Jewess said...

I have the same problem. I feel so run-down, but I just can't get to bed earlier. I need the "me" time so badly, but then I feel like such an idiot the next morning! I appreciate what the "Queen of Laundry" had to say about going away. About a year ago, I went away for a weekend to visit an old friend who had just had a baby. I didn't get much sleep there either, but I came home feeling like I had made a little space inside my head. I was just writing to her that we needed to plan another weekend. This gives me more motivation to actually do it.